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Have you ever sensed that something wasn’t being said during a session? Or noticed you handled a tricky moment more calmly than usual? That’s Emotional Intelligence in action, and developing emotional intelligence in hypnotherapy sessions can make a real difference to how we relate, respond and work with our clients.
In this article, we’re going to take a closer look at Emotional Intelligence and see how developing emotional intelligence can improve your client relationships, enhance your practice and get better results with your therapy.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
Emotional Intelligence is also sometimes referred to as Emotional Quotient, so can be shortened to either EI or EQ. I’ll go with the latter in this article.
Salovey and Mayer define EQ as "The ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions and to regulate emotions to promote personal growth"[1] and, according to Daniel Goleman [2], who popularised the idea in 1998, EQ has five key elements divided into two categories.
Intrapersonal:
- Self-awareness – being aware of how your beliefs and emotions affect your thoughts, and how these might then impact your behaviour and your effect on others.
- Self-regulation – self-awareness brings with it the ability to reframe our beliefs and emotions so we can manage our emotions effectively and have more useful responses.
- Self-motivation – staying focused on goals, being aware of your motivation and what drives it, setting high standards for yourself.
Interpersonal:
- Empathy/relationship management – the understanding of others and their different views and feelings. Listening and genuinely hearing what others have to say. Building social networks.
- Social skills – having the ability to give honest feedback (good and not-so-good) to others in a constructive way, applying conflict resolution, problem solving and teamwork, helping others to move towards their goals and to develop their own EQ.
- Opinion is slightly divided [3], but most writers on the topic believe that EQ is a skill that can be learned and developed rather than being innate or fixed.
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Emotional Intelligence in Hypnotherapy
Although EQ is most often talked about in a working environment, where it’s implied by some studies (though not all [3]) that those with high EQ scores make better managers, it can be a useful tool in the therapy room as well.
Here are some examples:
- Self-awareness – recognising your own emotional and behavioural responses in sessions, such as frustration or overinvestment, may help you identify elements of transference and countertransference that can arise in the client relationship.
- Self-regulation – extremely useful in offering unconditional positive regard to clients, no matter what they have done or said, and it will also help you cope with emotionally intense sessions.
- Empathy and social skills – we talk a lot about empathy when discussing the client relationship, but plain, everyday social skills such as politeness, respect, patience and so on can also help you deepen rapport and become more aware of the client’s language and energy levels.
If you are aware of both your responses and your clients’, EQ helps you offer a warm, professional connection without overstepping boundaries or becoming a rescuer. [Find out more about being a rescuer, and other drama triangle roles here.] You work at their pace and avoid projecting yourself into the situation.
There’s a link between EQ and Polyvagal Theory [4] for those familiar with it - this suggests that people are always (often without realising it) picking up on signals about whether they’re safe. A therapist who stays calm, grounded, and emotionally steady can help clients feel more secure, simply through their tone of voice, facial expression, and other nonverbal communications (NVC). That sense of safety will help in building trust and helping clients relax into the work.
How EQ Helps Your Therapy Clients
Clients with low emotional intelligence might struggle to recognise or express emotions, misread other people’s intentions (for example, taking a general comment personally), react impulsively or get stuck in the sort of habitual patterns we discussed last month in looking at the Drama Triangle.
Hypnotherapy can help by encouraging them to [5]:
- increase their emotional responses,
- pause to think before acting,
- develop a better emotional awareness of themselves and others,
- listen more carefully to others,
- build empathy,
- reflect on their own reactions and thoughts,
- understand and deal with the reasons behind their emotions, behaviours and thoughts.
Metaphors and imagery can be used for this, as well as straightforward suggestion.
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Hypnotherapy Techniques to Develop EQ
Metaphors to support EQ:
- A control room, where the client can alter or learn to read their ‘emotional dashboard’.
- Planting seeds of emotional control that have to be tended.
- Sorting through a toolbox and choosing the right one for the job, rather than always using a hammer. (I can imagine that one could be fun, if you throw in a few examples of using ‘unsuitable’ tools.)
- Navigating challenging journeys, such as a ship coping with storms and tides.
Hypnotic suggestions to enhance emotional intelligence:
- You find yourself responding thoughtfully, rather than falling into the old impulsive patterns.
- Strong emotions bring you information instead of overwhelming you.
- You listen to your feelings, sitting with them until you understand what they are trying to tell you.
Therapy tools and techniques to improve EQ:
- Use trance, or techniques like the Empty Chair, to explore emotions safely.
- Teach grounding techniques such as positive anchors, breathing exercises and other regulation tools.
- Work with their inner child or parts work to encourage self-compassion.
- For younger or neurodivergent clients, consider externalising emotions as characters or creatures they can chat with – maybe utilise a character from a book or TV show who has a lot of the emotion they are dealing with (Oscar the Grouch is great for issues around anger, for example).
- Allow a few moments at the end of the session to ask open questions or use Socratic Questioning so that the client can start to apply insight to their responses.
How Hypnotherapists Use EQ
A final thought. Remember that EQ isn’t just something we can help clients with. We use it ourselves in every therapy session to model calmness, clarity and compassion. It strengthens connections, builds trust and rapport and helps the therapy reach a positive conclusion.
Feel free to share your thoughts about EQ in the comments.
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[3] Wikipedia Contributors, 2019. Emotional intelligence. [online] Wikipedia. Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence
[4] Porges, S.W., 2011. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
[5] Cherry, K., 2024. You can increase your emotional intelligence in 3 simple steps—here’s how. Very Well Mind. [online] Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-2795423
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Author: Debbie Waller is an experienced hypnotherapist and hypnotherapy trainer. She is the author of Anxiety to Calm: a Practical Guide to a Laid-Back Life, The Hypnotherapist's Companion, Their Worlds, Your Words, and The Metaphor Toolbox, all available from Amazon or direct from the author. Find out more about Debbie's services on
Yorkshire Hypnotherapy Training - multi-accredited hypnotherapy practitioner training, taster days and foundation levels.
CPD Expert - accredited CPD and other therapy training (online and workshops options), expert and qualified hypnotherapy supervision
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