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I’m sure many of us have had clients who seem stuck in repeating emotional patterns, especially in their relationships with others. They may always feel responsible for others' happiness at the expense of their own, constantly blaming others for their failings, or feel completely helpless and unable to move forward. The Drama Triangle helps to explain why this can happen and suggests strategies to help them move to a healthier place.
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What is the Drama Triangle?
The Drama Triangle was introduced by Stephen Karpman in 1968. He worked within the framework of Transactional Analysis, and the triangle shows the main dysfunctional roles that people can adopt within relationships: these are:
- Victim – associated with feeling powerless, overwhelmed and dependent on others, victims feel unable to take responsibility for change and can come across as helpless, downtrodden, needy, and somewhat manipulative, since they don’t value themselves.
- Rescuer – rushes to help, even at the expense of their own well-being, and takes too much responsibility for others. Rescuers may have a strong desire to be needed, or to appear self-sacrificing, but don’t value other people’s capacity to help themselves. They can come across as well-intentioned but interfering and overwhelming.
- Persecutor – someone who blames and criticises others and/or uses authority destructively: someone who refuses to take any responsibility for their own actions. They may come across as angry (openly or passively), judgmental, bullying, and spiteful as they don’t value other people’s points of view.
The roles are not fixed. People may move between them, depending on context and their relationship with the other person. For example, if a rescuer tries to help someone who doesn’t fall into the expected victim pattern, they may become a persecutor: ‘I tried to help, but she didn’t let me and she has only herself to blame now’. Unfortunately, 'The triangle is a game in which no one wins, and all roles keep the dysfunction alive.' (Karpman, 1968)
It’s important to note that this is an unconscious form of role-playing, not deliberately or consciously manipulative. The client may not be consciously aware of how they’re behaving or the impact they have on others.
How Clients Get Stuck in the Drama Triangle
- Unmet psychological needs – if someone has never felt valued or needed, they may adopt the role of rescuer to experience those feelings. Likewise, a persecutor may need power to make them feel important, or a victim may hope to attract someone who will take care of them.
- Lack of self-awareness – as said, this is often an unconscious process, and the person may be unaware of how their actions appear, or that their current behaviours are keeping them in that role.
- Lack of healthier alternatives – if the person’s role models may have been dysfunctional, they tend to repeat what they know - unless something like therapy comes along to break the cycle.
- Self-reinforcement – the whole triangle is connected with a lack of personal responsibility, criticism and blaming. As the behaviours reinforce the roles, they can become self-fulfilling prophecies, for example, if a victim meets a persecutor, they may feel more than ever in need of a rescuer.
- Secondary gain – as with any unhealthy coping strategy, there may be benefits to maintaining the roles. A victim can hand over responsibility to their rescuer, a rescuer feels a sense of purpose, and a persecutor feels powerful.
If you can bring the roles into the client’s conscious awareness, they can begin to understand, recognise and change their behaviour. There’s a downloadable handout for clients that will help you do this at the bottom of the article.
Drama to Empowerment – the Winner’s Triangle
These are:
- Vulnerable instead of Victim – allowing people to acknowledge their difficulties whilst accepting their abilities and needs. They can ask for help when it’s needed, but don’t need a rescuer to bound in and take over at every setback.
- Caring instead of Rescuer – offering support and empathy to others without taking over. Caring people respect boundaries (their own and other people’s) and offer support and encouragement that doesn’t disempower the other person.
- Assertive instead of Persecutor – having the ability to pursue and communicate your needs without blaming others or becoming aggressive. Assertive people recognise that other people’s needs are as important as their own and look for cooperation and compromise instead of dominance.
The goal of therapy with individuals stuck in the Drama Triangle is to move them into these healthier options in ways that encourage self-awareness, healthy boundaries, and respect for others.
Using the Drama Triangle in Hypnotherapy
In discussions
Start by talking to the client about their situation, perhaps using the free download at the bottom of this article. Remember that the client may be consciously unaware of the role they are playing or why, so use neutral language with no hint of blame. Tactfully, ask if it reminds them of anything in their experiences.
Inviting clients to talk about times and places they feel ‘stuck’ is also useful, and can help suggest reframes to help them release that feeling.
In metaphors:
- Imagine getting unstuck in some way, such as dissolving glue, bursting through barriers.
- Imagine a piece of clothing or object that symbolises the role they’ve been adopting, such as a superhero cape for rescuers, and remove it from their lives.
- Imagine being lost in a triangular maze, and finding or being given a map to the exit.
Via suggestions:
- You find new, balanced ways to support others
- You no longer need to prove your worth by fixing other people’s problems
- You no longer need to control others to feel safe and calm.
You can adapt other ideas from scripts designed to improve self-esteem and create healthy boundaries. Anything that includes language aiming to improve EQ (emotional intelligence), assertiveness and confidence will likely be helpful.
There is just one note of caution. Some clients may have deep-seated trauma or psychological issues underlying the roles they are adopting. As always, check for contraindications, stay within your competence and chat with your supervisor as needed.
The Drama Triangle: A Practical Tool for Hypnotherapists
Having sounded my warning, the Drama Triangle has a lot to offer.
It gives us a very practical way to understand clients’ problematic relationship dynamics, with their significant others, colleagues, friends and families.
Combined with the Winners’ Triangle, it can offer ideas for personalised session content, help to deepen insight (yours and your client’s) and move clients from feeling trapped to feeling empowered.
Consider incorporating it into your toolkit – it’s surprisingly versatile for such a simple model.
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References:
Choy, A. (1990). The Winner's Triangle. Transactional Analysis Journal, 20(1), pp.40–46.
Listening Partnership (2024). About the Drama Triangle – And how to escape it | Listening Partnership. [online] Listening Partnership | Oxford. Available at: https://www.listeningpartnership.com/insight/about-the-drama-triangle-and-how-to-escape-it.
Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), pp.39–43.
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Author: Debbie Waller is an experienced hypnotherapist and hypnotherapy trainer. She is the author of Anxiety to Calm: a Practical Guide to a Laid-Back Life, The Hypnotherapist's Companion, Their Worlds, Your Words, and The Metaphor Toolbox, all available from Amazon or direct from the author. Find out more about Debbie's services on
Yorkshire Hypnotherapy Training - multi-accredited hypnotherapy practitioner training, taster days and foundation levels.
CPD Expert - accredited CPD and other therapy training (online and workshops options), expert and qualified hypnotherapy supervision
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