There’s a bit more to it than 'being PC'.
Let’s start with LGBTQIA+ There are various permutations of this. LGBT, LGBT+. LGBTQ etc. In some places, the acronym Quiltbag is used - which has some charm to it.
But what do the letters mean? Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer & Questioning, Intersex, Asexual & Aromantic, and the Plus sign connotes all the other sexualities that might be included - such as pansexuality. We shall come back to these.
I’ve heard it said before by therapists who have undertaken some training to work with LGBTQIA+ people that ‘what I learned is that they are just like us’, and despite having paid out an awful lot of money to hear someone state the obvious that conclusion is nevertheless true.
But…
And it is a big but. If you assume, when working with LGBTQIA+ people that you know what is going on, that you know what it is like, because ‘they are just like us’ you might find yourself in some difficulty. Had you noticed, for example, how, by using ‘they’, LGBTQIA+ people are othered?
Some experiences are almost universal - being born and dying. Falling in love and going to work. Going to school and becoming a parent. And though we can say that the experience of these things will be different for each individual, for LGBTQIA+ people these matters can be quite complex, certainly they are always nuanced, and what is true for one person is not going to be true of another.
LGBTQIA+ people will be likely to experience most of the challenges of heterosexual people but they will have others to face too.
They have to face up to their sexual orientation, gender identity or expression in that it differs from what is considered to be heteronormative. Being straight has never been a challenge or a source of ridicule, rejection or isolation. No straight person has ever had to ‘come out’ time after time in each and every workplace, for example. Arguably, no parent has ever felt ashamed because their son or daughter is straight and is attracted to the opposite sex. This is a privilege often denied LGBTQIA+ children.
If you are a therapist and reading this, the great likelihood is that you will be straight, white, British, and female. Your experience of what it is like to be part of a minority from the inside is likely to be limited.
Nevertheless, even if you were born into a racial, religious, or ethnic minority, the likelihood is that your minority is something you share with your parents and siblings at the least. Your parents are likely to have already come to an understanding of their role and place within society, will have developed a sense of belonging and purpose, and will have passed on something of that to you.
That is to say that you might have been born into a minority that is both validated by society and your parents, and they in turn validate you. You grow up knowing the history of your people, your language perhaps, your religion, how you came to be in a minority. You are aware of the things that mark you out as ‘different’ and which give you, in a sense, your positive identity as an individual within a larger minority in this country, and perhaps as part of a dominant culture somewhere else in the world. And these facts are as natural to you as water is to fish. For the most part, you might take comfort and pride in them, and relax in the readymade identity that they provide.
For the most part, however, LGBTQIA+ people are born to straight parents.
In other words, LGBTQIA+ people are born into a minority or culture that they do not share with their parents, grandparents or often their siblings. No one has made sense of their place in the world for them, and for the most part, parents do not prepare for an LGBTQIA+ child. This fact alone provides scope for much to go wrong in the mind of the young person growing up LGBTQIA+.
No one ever asks if being Pakistani is just a phase.
No one ever asks if a person will grow out of being a Jew.
No one ever suggests that being
Afro-Caribbean is a lifestyle choice.
There is absolutely no doubt that the ability of LGBTQIA+ people to develop healthy and well-integrated personalities is affected by society, its norms and values.
In 1996, Dominic Davies in Pink Therapy pointed out that, because the norms and values of British society are largely anti-gay, the development of personalities of gays and lesbians, therefore, entails the integration of a stigmatized aspect of identity. (D. Davies, 1996, P67).
What Davies wrote then is still, by extension, true of LGBTQIA+ people in general and, even if one takes the contrary view that British society is not now homophobic, it is, at least, largely heteronormative - which can in effect be the same thing. So, it is essential to understand the challenges, that a trans or intersex person, for example, might have, in developing a fully integrated personality and easy relationship with themselves, and the world, when their family, peers, or the general public have little interest in understanding them.
As therapists, we all know and esteem the value of rapport. Being able to work in a way that is respectful, open and honest, that isn’t clumsy, judgmental or embarrassed is of huge benefit to the end-user - your client.
To return to the initialisms given right at the top of this article, you might already have a theoretical understanding of what each of those means on paper. But coming away from what we know or think we know is essential. For example, if someone tells you they are Lesbian - you’d be making a massive error if you thought they had never had loving sexual relationships with men, has ruled them out for the future, or had no maternal instinct.
If a client informed you that they are aromantic, you might know that this means that they do not experience romantic attraction, but what does it mean about them and their feelings of sexual attraction?
If a person tells you she is Queer - is she gay? Or lesbian? Or is that the word she prefers because it saves time instead of saying she is a cis-gendered, grey-romantic, pansexual? You couldn’t possibly know unless you were to ask ‘What is your experience of being Queer? How do you express that? Are there times when you cannot or choose not to?’
Rather than getting bogged down in what you understand, discover what this means to the client. It is their experience that matters after all!
Want to know more?
AffirmativeTherapy - Working Successfully with LGBT+ Clients is co-written by Gavin Bowtell, the author of this article, and his friend and colleague Steven Harold, and is occasionally updated with interviews and concepts as ideas and understandings evolve.
In our manual 'Affirmative Therapy -
Working Successfully with LGBT+ Clients' you can read through 216 pages be
taken on a tour of the history of LGBT+ people, and be introduced to concepts
of sexuality and gender, as well as myth-busting. And become enlightened about
some of the issues that your LGBTQIA+ client might present with. It also helps you to think about how you
might market your LGBTQIA+ affirming credentials and provides a number of
resources in the form of questionnaires and scripts that can help you create rapport
and work more easily with your client.
Guest Author: Gavin Bowtell - The Essex Mind Coach.
He has a background in rail transport, industrial relations and health and safety. His experiences in the consulting room have led to a particular talent for helping emotionally immature men to become happier and more responsible adults.
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